I'll think of some poetic title later...

Uuuuuurrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh. Deep and guttural full of frustration and pain.  This. This is how I feel right now. I feel like exasperated grief wants to release from my chest in deep, loud groans.  I just want to melt into the floor and stay motionless for hours until the tightness in my chest subsides. I also want to throw my phone against a concrete wall. Change my number. Change any name. Move to a far away island. Marry a local and think of only the good things that have happened in my life. Sadly, this is not a option that would actual solve anything. But being slightly dramatic for just a few seconds helps me release some of the pressure I feel. 

 Gosh, hello there.  I am sorry in advance for whatever this is you are reading.  I recently stumbled an old blog from my early to mid twenties...  It's been a while since blogging was something I did. Why did I stop? Well... You know how 2020 has been beyond our pessimistic fancies... That has been the case the last 5 years of my life.  It has sucketh for sure. Break ups, depression, getting kicked out of countries, sad goodbyes, betrayal, jerk faces, rejection, anxiety, job loss, nightmares, death of loved ones, panic attacks...  I guess with all that, I had nothing hopeful to share. I went from rainbows and butterflies... To a deep dark cave that has now been diagnosed as PTSD. Life is crazy. People says your thirties are better than your twenties.... I am still undecided.  Maybe the people who say that aren't dealing with an abusive childhood of pain. This doesn't sound very hopeful. So... Why I am starting a blog again? Maybe because even if I don...